What?
by justtryingsomething
Summary: A surprise confession...
1. Chapter 1

'What?'

'I'm in love with you.

I'm in love with you Beca and I know you're happy with Kate and I'm not doing this because I expect anything from you but I can't not tell you. It's suffocating and overwhelming and I can't breathe around you anymore and I need to...I need to breathe.'

'You're in love with me. That's all you're going to say and what...you just expect me to take it and not say anything. You don't get to do that Chlo, you don't get to say that to me and then just walk away. How long?'

Chloe stares at the brunette opposite her, confusion in her eyes as they search the navy ones she knows so well, now it was her turn to ask, 'What?'

'You heard,' Beca can't hide the anger in her voice, trying to stay calm but quickly losing the battle. 'How long have you been 'in love' with me?'

Moving from shock to irritation, Chloe grits her teeth at the inverted comma gesture used. A quiet huff falls from her lips, 'Ok I get that you're surprised or pissed or' her hands gesture up and down at Beca, 'whatever this is but you don't need to be an asshole about it ok I get it, I shouldn't have said anything.'

'No you don't get to do that, you don't get to take it back. How long?'

Chloe's shoulders sag in defeat, she knew it was a risk and not knowing what reaction her declaration would receive, it seems she wasn't prepared for any.

'My moms birthday.'

It's said quietly almost as if saying it too loud will shatter what's left of their friendship. Beca opens and closes her mouth a few times, words forming and leaving just as quickly, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before speaking. 'That was 6months ago.' Obviously Chloe knows this but at this point Beca had no idea what else to say.

'Yeah.'

'I don't understand...' Beca starts but then something seems to snap inside Chloe.

'And you think I do?!' Her voice is louder than she intended but she's clearly past caring. Wanting and needing to get this out. 'I was having a great time, dancing with my family and I turn around and there you were, talking to my mom like it was the most natural thing in the world. You weren't supposed to be there.'

'You invited me.' Beca shouts, arms out to her side

'Yes I know I invited you,' Chloe yells back. 'I wanted you there but I didn't think you would come. You were in New York living this new life, there was no way you were going to travel across the country for my moms birthday and yet there you were and when I walked over to you all you said was, 'of course I came, I couldn't miss her 60th'. It was then, that was the minute I knew, I knew you were important to me. That I had missed you more than I was prepared to admit and maybe I've always been in love with you Beca but that was the moment I stopped breathing and I haven't taken a full breath since.'

Chloe stares at Beca then, refusing to look away even though Beca can't meet her eyes. A heavy silence falls over them and as Chloe thinks she can't take anymore finally Beca looks up and there is a look that Chloe hasn't seen for a long time. A distant, closed off glare that looks right through her.

'Now you know how I felt.'

The words feel like a punch to Chloe's chest and she steps back reeling from the tone and watches as Beca walks into the apartment and closes the door, not sparing a look back as Chloe falls to her knees.


	2. Chapter 2

Beca closes the door and leans against it heavily, eyes closed, breathing ragged.

That didn't just happen, she thinks, breathing in deeply trying to control her now racing heart. She turns, forehead resting against the cool wood, fingers on the handle. I should go back out, I can't leave it like that she thinks but she doesn't move.

A million thoughts race though her head, flashes of time spent together, times where she wishes she had been brave enough to take the leap that Chloe just had, times she had watched Chloe get ready to go on dates, giving advice, comforting, holding her when needed. A lifetime spent watching and waiting for her chance, never taking it and now finally knowing she never had one.

But she did now.

Turning back around Beca sighs and slides down the smooth surface of the door until she's sat, knees to chest, head tipped back, eyes closed. A soft thump on the other side of the door brings her eyebrows together in a deep frown, turning her head Beca listens.

'I didn't know, I didn't know that you felt...' the voice is quiet but unmistakably Chloe's. 'If I had any idea I would have...I mean I would have tried to...who am I kidding I have no idea what I would have done. I know this much though, this sucks. Being on this side of the door, you on that side, it sucks.'

There's silence for a few minutes but Beca knows that Chloe is still there. She'd always been able to feel when she was close, even now she can almost make herself believe that she can feel the heat of Chloe's back radiating through the door. That might just be in her head though.

'Hey,' Chloe decides the silence has stretched on long enough, 'do you remember your 18th birthday? Your mom wanted to throw you a party at the house and you went nuts saying you didn't want it to be a big deal and you would only agree to it if she promised to only invite the people you told her she could.'

Beca smiles, she remembers it well. She'd made such a fuss over not wanting a party the only people who she would allow to go were her parents, brother, sister and Chloe. She knew her mom was disappointed having thrown big bashes for her siblings but she always respected what Beca wanted, never a fan of being the centre of attention her mom knew better than to force the issue. Instead she had resolved to make it the most kick ass small gathering of all time.

Beca can hear the smile in Chloe's voice as she continues. 'Everyone was having a good time and your dad told the story of how he danced this elaborate routine to impress your mom in high school and then decided to reenact it for everyone.' Chloe starts to giggle, 'I don't think I've ever laughed as much watching as your dad tried to spin on his head and your mom telling him to stop being ridiculous. You remember?'

'Yeah I remember that night,' Beca says 'I remember realising I was falling in love with you.'

The words were out of her mouth before she even realised what she'd said but oddly they didn't cause her to panic. Chloe had been honest with her it was only fair she showed the same level of honesty.

—

_**9 years earlier**_

The party (small gathering) was in full swing and Beca was enjoying herself even if she felt a bit of a dick for actively staying out of Chloe's way. Beca had realised she had a crush for a while and decided the best way to deal with it was avoidance but she was trying to avoid Chloe and that was never going to last very long. She still tried though, spending most of the night talking to her brother Ben and resisting stealing glances in Chloe's direction. This was proving difficult though, Chloe looked hot.

Headed to the kitchen for a refill Beca feels a tug on the back of her shirt and turns to face a beaming Chloe, surprised to see she had followed her.

'Hi,' Beca says aiming for casual but sounding more awkward.

'Hi, can I borrow you for a minute? I have something for you.'

Frowning Beca wonders what it could be, Chloe quickly picks up on her confusion. Smiling wider she says, 'it is your birthday right?'

A blush tints Beca's cheeks as she looks to the floor, 'oh, right I mean yeah it is but you didn't have to get me anything.'

'Bec, I wanted to and when I saw it I knew you would love it so can I borrow you?'

Chloe is nervous and this isn't something that Beca is used to seeing in her friend so quickly nods her head, 'sure, I'm all yours.'

Grabbing Beca's hand Chloe leads the way upstairs to Beca's bedroom, 'sit down.' She instructs pointing at the bed.

With a smirk Beca can't resist the obvious as she watches Chloe close the door, 'so it's that type of gift. I must say I'm impressed and with my parents downstairs too, I didn't know you had it in ya!' This playful banter wasn't uncommon for them, it was a safe space Beca had been able to hide behind lately.

Chloe laughs throwing her head back before taking a seat next to Beca and playfully slapping her leg. 'You wish Rebecca.'

Trying not to focus on how close Chloe was sat beside her Beca watches as Chloe reaches under her bed and pulls out a small neatly wrapped gift and then can't help but wonder when Chloe came up to hide it.

Her voice snaps Beca out of her head, 'so like I said I saw this and thought of you, it was something you told me once and it stuck in my head so when I saw it I had to buy it and with it being your birthday I had the perfect excuse. Anyway I'm rambling so here.'

Taking the gift Beca starts to slowly pull at the paper and then everything stops. The only thing Beca can hear is the breathe leaving her lungs as she looks at the gift in her hands. Her vision blurs but she doesn't register the tears as she blinks her vision clear.

'Beca?' Chloe's voice is quiet and gentle, her hand coming to rest on Beca's leg clearly worried she had done the wrong thing. 'I remembered you saying how sorry you were that you didn't bring it with you when you left and you regretted not asking them to take you back.'

'No you're right, I was..' Beca clears her throat, 'I was sorry that I didn't take better care of it, it was the first thing that was mine.'

Beca's mind goes back to the memory she hadn't thought about in so long.

'_**There you go Sunshine.' The jovial voice pulls her attention away from the window to the small brown bear that is being held in front of her. Looking from the bear to the kind, brown eyes and wide smile of the person that have been the one constant since she entered this place. 'It's for you,' the nurse smiles. 'A gift, you said you'd never had a teddy bear and I'm sorry but every kid deserves a teddy so here's yours.'**_

_**Slowly reaching out Beca takes it, it's fur soft in her hands, wearing a red T-shirt and bandage on one leg she thought it was the most precious thing she had ever seen, and it was hers.**_

Now nine years later Beca is sat holding that brown bear, same red T-shirt, same bandage and she honesty doesn't know what to say.

'It's stupid isn't it and thoughtless, I'm sorry I didn't think.' Chloe says quickly.

'Thank you.' Beca turns to look at the worried face watching her. 'It's the best gift I've had all day.'

Teary eyed Chloe pulls Beca in to a hug, her arms tight around her, holding on for dear life and Beca does the one thing she never wanted to do in front of this girl, she cry's.

Face buried into Chloe's neck, Beca can't hold back the sob that wracks through her body, Chloe just pulls her closer and says nothing, a comforting hand slowly stroking up and down her back. After a few minutes Beca laughs self consciously, 'I'm sorry, I think I may have left a wet patch on your shirt.' Soft hands cup her face gently lifting until their eyes meet. Expecting sympathy Beca is instead greeted with a look of warmth and strength and she can't look away. 'I don't care about that, I do care about you though - are you ok?'

Beca smiles weakly never really knowing how to answer that question, 'yeah just overwhelmed I guess, I can't believe you remembered that.'

A small smile ghosts Chloe's lips. 'Of course I remember.'

Using her thumbs to brush away the tear stains Chloe leans in and places a soft kiss to Beca's cheek. Beca closes her eyes and knows she'll still feel the touch long after Chloe pulls away.

'I'll give you a minute but don't stay up here too long ok.'

'I'll be down soon,' Beca's voice is hoarse from crying and she clears her throat trying to regain some control. 'I'll see you in a bit.'

Watching Chloe walk to the door Beca stares after her, taking a deep breath she quietly says, 'So I guess this is what it feels like to love someone.'


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

No words had been spoken for a few minutes but both knew the other was still there. Beca took a deep breath, any anger she had been feeling was gone but she struggled with what the next move should be. Chloe had told Beca she loved her and now Beca had admitted to Chloe that she had loved her once too but was she brave enough to admit that she still might?

She put that thought to one side, she wasn't even brave enough to open the door right now so any further declarations of love would have to wait. The door acted like a shield for Beca, it was creating a safe space for her to say some of what she had always wanted to without the fear of witnessing the other person's reaction. She smiles to herself as she thinks back to all the times that she has been told that she has 'too many walls', 'you have to let people in'. Well now she had a door, it may not be open but it was a start.

Beca can't help but let her mind wonder to all times she'd been in Chloe's' company over the last 6months, if there was any indication that Chloe had been in love with her, if there was anything that she had said or done that might have been a hint but then Beca almost laughs out loud at the thought. Picking up hints were not her strong point, even if Chloe had been hinting there's no way that Beca would have noticed. As she thinks her mind recalls one memory recently that makes her wonder, 'The bar a few months back.' Her voice is loud in the silence. 'When Ben first started talking to Emily.'

'What about it?' Chloe replies

'Were you trying to tell me something then?' Beca can hear the soft laugh that comes through the door.

'It's taken you 2 months to pick up on that Bec? I should know being subtle with you doesn't work.'

Beca smiles, yeah she was rubbish at picking up on hints.

2 Months Earlier

The bar is loud with bodies pressed close, moving to the music that thumps through the speakers. Beca looks around scanning the faces of the people around her, feeling a gentle buzz from the drinks that have already been consumed. It's unusual for them to be out on a Wednesday night but after much discussion and eventually giving in to the socially accepted 'hump day' argument Beca and her brother Ben had headed out. Now in the club Beca can't help but concede it wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Irritated by the constant prodding in her left arm she turns to face a grinning Ben, raising an eyebrow at his slightly manic look. 'What the hell are you grinning at?'

'She's here.' Ben's grin growing bigger

Beca's confused, 'Who's here?'

His grin falling, Ben looks at his sister like she's got two heads. 'Emily, Emily is here. Look.' He nods his head over her shoulder.

Finally Beca gets it, Emily, the goddess that her brother has been obsessed with but done nothing about since he first saw her almost a year ago. Standing behind her Ben rests his chin on Beca's shoulder as they watch Emily make her way down the stairs from the VIP balcony, smiling and greeting a few familiar faces as she now makes her way through the crowd.

'God she's pretty.' Ben sighs.

Beca swats him away, his breath warm in her ear 'Dude ask her out already, this is starting to get creepy.'

Stepping back Ben grabs his drink from the bar and knocks it back in one hit. 'What's the point? She's not going to go out with me.'

'How old are you? You're not a teenager anymore Ben, grow some balls and ask her. At worst she says no and you're no worse off than you are now but at least you'll know you're a loser instead of just thinking it.' Beca smirks and receives a glare in return.

'Seriously go talk to her now or I'll do it for you.' She slowly takes a sip of her drink. 'And you know I will.'

Ben freezes his newly poured drink half way to his lips 'You wouldn't.'

Smiling, Beca sighs 'you really want to take that risk?'

'I hate you.' Downing his drink he hands over his glass and heads over to where Emily is dancing. Beca turns back to the bar hoping she hasn't just sent her brother into a car crash.

'No way, do my eyes deceive me or has Ben finally grown some balls?' Beca smiles hearing the familiar voice of the girl she'd recognise anywhere. 'Is he drunk?'

'No just highly motivated. I threatened to do it for him.' Chloe looks at Beca and grins stepping beside her to lean against the bar. Beca can't help but look Chloe over and she has to admit she looks good. Long red hair falling in loose waves over her shoulders and dressed in skinny jeans, heels and sleeveless blouse. 'Who are you out to impress tonight?'

Raising her ocean blue eyes her gaze locks on Beca, a small smile playing on her lips as Chloe moves a step closer and takes the drink out of Beca's hand and slowly takes a sip of the smooth bourbon and licks her lips, 'Wouldn't you like to know.' She says and all Beca can do is watch as Chloe hands back the glass and with a wink turns and makes her way over to where Emily and Ben are talking.

Present Day

Now that Beca thinks about it throughout the whole night there had been subtle glances, held stares and Chloe stealing Beca's drinks. At one point they had even ended up on the dance floor together, a rarity but Beca had never been good at saying no to Chloe. They were close but again there were a lot of people on the dance floor, space was limited. The limited space didn't mean that Chloe had to dance quite so close though and she certainly didn't need to lift her arms to drape them over Beca's shoulders as they moved perfectly to the rhythm.

Kate had also been at the club that night Beca had later learnt. Kate, the girl Beca had met a few days later at another bar and who she had clicked with immediately. Kate was the exact opposite of Chloe, dark hair and eyes and a more subdued disposition but still outgoing and friendly, she had spilt her drink in Beca's lap after someone had pushed past her in their eagerness to get to the bar. A conversation had started from there and they didn't leave each other's side all night. When it was time to leave Beca found herself agreeing to going back to Kate's place, her flatmate was away for the night apparently and it had felt natural when they shared their first kiss on her sofa. Beca knew Kate wanted more, she panted it in her ear after that first kiss turned into a heavy make out session. Something held Beca back though, she was attracted to this girl and the ache between her legs told her she wanted to keep going but she couldn't do it and instead they spent the night curled up next to each other until after breakfast Beca excused herself with the promise to call.

She did call too and over the last couple of months they had since been on a few dates and Beca was really enjoying her time with Kate, they still hadn't progressed to anything physical and Beca could tell Kate was becoming frustrated but still Beca kept holding back.

Now sitting here in the dark against her door Beca knew why, Chloe. Chloe was why she hadn't taken that next step. Chloe, the girl who even when she didn't realise it consumed her thoughts, was her inspiration in everything she created and who she had to get out of her system one way or the other. Had a part of her realised that Chloe had been acting differently, had she needed to find out once and for all if there was ever a chance for the two of them. Now Beca had her answer and it terrified her, does she confront this with Chloe or does she draw a line under it all finally and move on and be with someone else.

Chloe's voice brings her out of her thoughts 'Hey Bec?'

'Yeah Chlo?'

'Will you let me in?'


End file.
